I want to create a space where parents who’ve been through the Family Law System can express their experiences.
Have you been involved with the Family Law System?
What has your experience been?
I’d like to be able to give parents support in the way that they navigate the Family Law System and to have a voice in relation to how they’ve been treated.
There have been two reports published recently in relation to situations of domestic violence. The Federal Attorney-General, Justice Robert McClelland’s Department commissioned the reports as part of a review of the 2006 changes to the Family Law Act.
These reports both say that in matters of family violence, the 50:50 shared parenting arrangement is detrimental to children.
The No Way To Live report by senior lecturer in the Faculty of Education and Social Science at the University of Sydney, Dr Lesley Laing, looks at how Australia’s Family Law System responds to survivors of domestic violence. The report is based on interviews with 22 survivors of domestic violence, about their first-hand experiences of the way they were treated through the Family Law System.
“Anything that you do to try and advocate for your children is somehow twisted into being high conflict and parental alienation,” one woman said. “So you are basically silenced. And the children are silenced.”
Dr Laing said some women felt guilty they had escaped violent men but their children had not. “Forty years ago some women could only escape domestic violence by leaving the children behind, and they were pilloried,” she said. “Now there is a new form of child abandonment, at least part-time. It’s a terrible thing we are asking women to do.”
In a report by the University of South Australia (UniSA) and interstate, researchers spoke to more than 1000 adults and more than 100 children.
UniSA adjunct professor Dale Bagshaw, who co-led the team of academics, said the system needed a complete overhaul to make child safety the highest priority.
“We are arguing that … the safety of the child should be given the highest priority and any accusation of violence should be investigated before the child is sent to stay with the abusive parent.”
Professor Bagshaw said that throughout the separation process, children felt powerless because they were not given a say about parenting arrangements or their wishes were ignored.
Children are fearful to express their opinions about the abusive parent because of consequences when they are in the care of the abusive parent.
The report’s recommendations include that children’s welfare needs be paramount, that victims’ rights be given priority over children’s contact with the perpetrator, and that all family law professionals should have more education on family violence.
The investigation found that, “Professionals in the family law system often do not believe allegations of domestic violence or counsel the innocent parent not to mention it for fear of sounding vindictive and of risking contact with their children.”
Some mediation services, such as the Attorney General’s Department’s Community Justice Centres, refuse to mediate where there is a history of domestic violence. It is assumed that there is an unequal balance of power. Parents can ask the Family Court for an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to advocate on behalf of the child or children. A Family Consultant can interview the parents and look at evidence of violence. They can recommend an ICL and a Family Report. This is an expensive process. Some parents are granted Legal Aid if they pass a means test.
Clinical experience reveals that women are traumatised by exposure to violent men.
The effect of their traumatisation is that in recounting their experiences they become emotionally aroused, which is often interpreted as being anxious, with fragmentation of their thinking, at worst psychically numb, giving the impression that they are not a reliable witness and that their evidence is not credible. They can’t think straight, their mental processes are impaired, so their story comes out in a fragmented way. A lawyer opposing her could ‘stick the knife in’ and focus on an area where she’s going numb and then the court can conclude that she’s not a reliable witness. Her credibility is shattered, she is discredited. There seems to be the attitude that “Kids must spend time with their fathers at all costs.”
In one instance, a woman wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. In another, she wet herself. Their ability to care for their kids is questioned, as they are considered to be “too anxious.” “The mother’s anxiety is affecting her children,” and this is used by the court to imply that she may not be able to adequately parent them. They have been traumatised (by exposure to an abusive man). Now they are being re-traumatised (by their experience in the court system). So she ends up being in a lose-lose situation.
The legal system makes it difficult for a woman to accurately represent herself. Should she seek the need for professional assistance, this can be held against her in court. She’s considered to be mentally unstable and her mental instability is held up as impairing her ability to cope with her children. They lose sight of the fact that she has become symptomatic because of years of exposure to the trauma of living with an abusive man. In this way, capable, strong women are being stigmatised.
In Trauma and Recovery, psychiatrist Judith Herman says that one way people can overcome trauma is to go to court to be heard, to put their abuser on the public record with the risks of retraumatisation, increasing symptoms such as arousal, hypervigilance, insomnia, anxiety and somatization. It is very interesting that in court, this is called a “hearing.” Whichever way the magistrate decides in the judicial process, for the survivor the main point may be that she has told her truth publicly and as a final vomit this puts her case as one more example which may be used to change the socio-political history of abuse in her country. This can be a great act of empowerment, despite the legal costs involved, to take back her power from her abuser. Once in the public domain, it is taken out of the domestic sphere and put under a spotlight for all to see. Hidden no longer, the survivor may then be able to walk out of her history and into her future with a sense of achievement.
“Pursuing justice is holding the perpetrator accountable not only for her well-being but for the health of the larger society. Making a public complaint or accusation, the survivor defies the perpetrator’s attempt to silence and isolate her, and she opens the possibility of finding new allies. Her actions may benefit others as well as herself.” (Herman 2001:209-10)
“There’s a sense of power in a legal battle with the perpetrator from a position of strength … She knows the truth is what the perpetrator most fears.”
“Simply through her willingness to confront the perpetrator she has overcome one of the most terrible consequences of the trauma. She has let him know he cannot rule her by fear, and she has exposed his crime to others. Evil has not entirely prevailed.” (Herman 2001:211)
The UniSA investigation found that, “After divorce or separation, four in 10 children are scared to spend time with the father and almost one in 10 does not feel safe with the mother.”
Children witnessing such abuse are similarly traumatised. A clinician’s experience in such matters is that children witnessing the abuse of the parent are themselves traumatised by that experience. That abuse of the parent modelled to the child impacts on the child’s subsequent behaviour in that it has modelled that behaviour as acceptable in interpersonal interactions. The father got away with it, now they’re copying him.
The child’s experience is that despite the abuse, they are still being encouraged to spend time with the father, so abuse becomes accepted in their lives, and they go on to repeat that pattern in their subsequent relationships. Dad got away with it, so can I. Mothers struggle with that because they’ve suffered abuse at the hands of the father and then they’re seeing that behaviour repeated in their children, directed at them.
What’s the impact of the mass migration of children between parental homes over the weekends? Does this bode well for a stable upbringing? What’s the fall-out? How does this relate to subsequent emotional problems in the children ie. anxiousness, teenage binge-drinking, substance abuse and other psychological difficulties.
Kids often don’t want to be part of this migration. Who is listening to them?
Mothers are often being threatened not to have any input into the child’s decision about whether to have contact with the non custodial parent, for fear of losing their custodial rights.
I’ve heard comments from experienced lawyers and barristers that it depends which judge you get. They know before the case begins which way it’s going to go depending on the magistrate or judge. That’s a worry. If you score a judge who’s a mysoginist, a paedophile or an alcoholic, that’s the system. It’s your bad luck.
You wonder which children may have received a different outcome if their case was heard by a different magistrate or judge. We are dealing with childrens’ lives, when their brains and their sense of themselves are developing. Judges are human and they all come with their foibles and we hear of their foibles when they’re not around any more.
Women have been killed by these violent men because their Apprehended Violence Orders (AVOs) go awry.
The courts are not going to be there when the kids go off the rails years later, unless they end up in trouble with the law.
What have been your experiences?
Related Articles:
Family Law Legislation Amendment (Family Violence and Other Measures) Bill 2011 http://www.aph.gov.au/senate/committee/legcon_ctte/family_law_familyviolence/report/index.htm
http://newmatilda.com/2011/09/06/howardera-ideas-about-family-violence-go
Family Violence—A National Legal Response http://www.alrc.gov.au/sites/default/files/pdfs/publications/Report%20Summary.pdf
Courts send children to live with violent parents by Tory Shepherd, The Advertiser, July 13, 2010. http://www.news.com.au/national/courts-send-children-to-live-with-violent-parents/story-e6frfkvr-1225890990058#ixzz0tWuku9IK
Family law puts custody above children’s safety: report by Jennifer Macey on Friday, June 25, 2010. http://www.abc.net.au/worldtoday/content/2010/s2936945.htm
No Way to Live report launch, 24 June, 2010 http://www.familylawwebguide.com.au/news/pg/news/view/862/index.php&filter=
Law fails children exposed to harm By Adele Horin, The Sydney Morning Herald, 24 June 2010.
Act aids abusive fathers, imperils children By Adele Horin, The Age Melbourne, 24 June 2010.
Malicious mothers demanding changes to Australia’s Shared Parenting laws by ADELE HORIN on June 24th, 2010. http://www.fathers4equality-australia.org/equalparenting/FiDBlog.nsf/dx/law-fails-children-exposed-to-harm?opendocument&comments
Dr Lesley Laing http://fdp.edsw.usyd.edu.au/users/llaing
http://www.thepixelproject.net/vaw-facts/about-violence-against-women
http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/Moving-Forward-full-report-June-09.pdf
Books:
Evans, P. (1997) The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognise It and How to Respond. Adams Media Corp.
Gottman, J. (1998) When Men Batter Women. Simon & Schuster
The Gottman Relationship Institute www.gottman.com
Herman, J. L. (2001) Trauma and Recovery. Pandora, London. http://bit.ly/bK8AiL
Video:
Behind Closed Doors by Karen Miles @real_mum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV7sRnVG_4o
Radio:
Dr Carolyn Johnson is a lecturer in social work at Curtin University who has studied crimes such as when a former jealous partner turns lethal, including murder-suicides, and written a book about it called ‘Come with Daddy’.
http://blogs.abc.net.au/canberra/2011/05/come-with-daddy.html?site=canberra&program=canberra_drive
Services:
Catherine White
July 16, 2010
The problem is shame. Once the silence is broken, the shame feels heavier than the crimes of commission.
Then once women are in the system (s) they suffer system abuse.
The need is so great, but each case needs to be treated, case by case.
francesjones
July 21, 2010
Thank you for your thoughts Catherine.
Shame is such a small word but it means so much.
Shame is people’s concern for what other people think of them.
If they can get a recognition of what drives other people’s thinking, they begin to be less focused on what others think of them.
Other people’s thinking is a product of what’s in their minds. What’s in their minds is their thoughts and their thoughts are the results of years of upbringing.
That shame that people feel about themselves drives people to live double lives.
There’s a book, HEALING THE SHAME THAT BINDS YOU by John Bradshaw
http://www.johnbradshaw.com/creatinglove-1-1-2-1.aspx
http://www.johnbradshaw.com/healingtheshamethatbindsyou1hourlecture.aspx
Claire
July 16, 2010
I can’t summarise what happened to me in the 1990s. I have 2 children. Child abduction, Hague Convention, court cases, women’s refuge, no family or friends to support, none, not at all. Then just the fear of him being in the profession that he was, being so convincing as to the fact that I was in the abuser.
He actually has got a background in child welfare and knew which buttons to press within the system to raise suspicion against me as the children’s mother.
I felt like a peg where the only bit sticking up was the top part and the rest of my body was under the ground, one more blow and I’d go under.
How can you put into words the verbal and emotional abuse. It’s impossibble to put into words the way he made me feel. Just utterly worthless and helpless. You would have to understand how powerful and intelligent and verbal this man was, to appreciate the profound affect that he would have on me, being so vulnerable without any support at all. No friends, no family, a strange country. I might have well have lived on Mars for all it mattered.
It was 20 years ago, but I’m still paying debts accrued at that time from court cases and false allegations. I went to work to try and make friends, but because I went to work I didn’t qualify for Legal Aid and I’ve been in financial ruin ever since.
We went to the Family Court in Sydney. I seemed to spend half my life there. The kids would be put in the creche that they had up there. No amount of negotiating with him, he wouldn’t accept anything, nothing that was proposed to him was ever good enough because he wanted the children wholly and solely and wanted me out of the picture. He’d met another person at this time and wanted a ‘ready-made family’ so to speak.
It took at least 8 or 9 years. They didn’t listen to the children. Even with the psychological report they were still allowed to go, even though the psychologist had suggested otherwise. It would’ve been 1995. There was constant to-ing and fro-ing between him and it was unsettling. He would scare the kids. He was trying to turn the kids against me so he would tell my kids that I was a witch and that I would ‘spell’ them. They used to cry when they had to go to him, they used to sit behind the bedroom door. It wasn’t til they were older when they were able to articulate this that I realised what he was in fact doing to them. He was questioning them, saying he would not take them back to me, to scare them into divulging some information that he might be able to use against me.
My son now has anger issues and my daughter has emotional co-dependency issues. My son hates his father and my daughter hasn’t spoken to him since she was 12. They had an argument, and at 12 she just decided that she didn’t want to go to him any more.
My writing doesn’t even touch on what it was like, it was living a living hell. There’s still suffering and they will continue to suffer the effects of this, perhaps for the rest of their lives.
In the Family Law System, it’s who you get on the day. We had so many different magistrates. The last one in the last case was the same judge each time. It was a lady. She was alright. I couldn’t go home, which is what I wanted.
It’s not going to always be the mother that’s the best parent for the child, I understand that, it’s whoever has the children’s best interests at heart. It’s certainly not the one that’s instigating legal issues against the other parent and dragging the children through the system, unless there is real and justified evidence that the parent who is being hounded is harming the child or children in some way. In my case it was suggested by a leading psychologist that access be suspended and even in light of this, it was still granted and joint guardianship, which meant that I couldn’t go home.
As well, he had a Queens Counsel, he didn’t just have a barrister, which is above a barrister, it carries more weight, and the judges listen to them. They have more of a professional respect and I believe that the judges base their decision according to who the legal counsel is, rather than on actual material. If it’s a barrister or queen’s counsel and that judge holds that barrister in really high esteem, they might take that one more into consideration than a young lawyer out of law school.
There cannot be one law, one rule. It has to be on individual circumstances. We had to go for mediation at the Family Court and they weren’t allowed to put in what was said at that time. If they had been able to, it was obvious that he was bullying me and he was actually bullying the counsellor, but none of that was taken into account at that time. People who are involved in the children’s lives- teachers, friends, or relatives, they have to be heard, to build up a picture, whoever’s involved. It can’t just be ‘he said’ ‘she said’ ‘they said.’ It’s wrong. It just sucks, absolutely. I was so brow-beaten and so tired and it was only the love that I had for the children that gave me the strength to fight him. Otherwise I don’t think I would’ve been able to. And that’s how powerful a man he was.
It’s all in a box, tied up with string and shelved somewhere.
The system won’t change. The system has to change.
louise
July 19, 2010
I also have had the misfortune of navigating the state sponsored abuse that is the Family Law System. It has been without a doubt the single most traumatic experience I have ever endured in my life. After finally finding the courage to leave an abusive partner it came as the biggest shock to me to realise that the family law system was in fact geared towards protecting abusive parents and that the rights of children were not at all of any concern to those who have the final say in how these children will live there lives for the next 10-15 years. It is bewildering to say the least to be berated in court to hear a judge say that it is your own fault that you were assaulted because you happened to open your front door. It is without a doubt the most confusing thing in the world to be told that the court do not want to know if the child was involved in any violence or that until the child is admitted to hospital with broken bones then the court may take you seriously. It disgusts me to say the least that Australia has signed the UN paper on human rights and the rights of the child, and continue on a daily basis to violate this treaty by sending children to abusive parents and even parents who are on the sex offenders register. As much as I have tried since this experience to intellectualise the possible reasons for this betrayal, I am at a loss to understand how the people that work in the system can sleep at night knowing that they are condemning these children to a fate that they themselves would not endure in their worst nightmares. Although it is possible to advocate for law reform through pressure and awareness I am still very doubtful that this will change the underlying ignorance that is society wide that women who claim domestic abuse are all lying to take the children and get a larger child support payment. The fact is the judges , on a daily basis, use their discretion and uphold this belief through their rulings and it is the judges themselves that really control what happens to these children. You can write what you like in the law but if its a kangaroo court when you finally get into a court then what is the point…none. It is a senseless waste of money when even those working in the system know that the children are not protected and that the system itself is doing more harm to these women and children than the abusive partner/parent they have fled in the first place. I pray that one day this will change but I am under no illusion this will be any time soon….maybe when these children turn 18 and start a class action against the system…like they are doing in the US… then maybe the cost will finally be acknowledged.. even if it is purely the financial cost. Maybe those that make the laws should think about what they are going to say to all those mothers that have watched their children’s confidence die, and self mutilate themselves and eventually kill themselves with drug overdoses.
francesjones
July 21, 2010
Your words are so powerful, you’ve obviously been sorely affected by the system and you’re not alone.
You may have given a voice to others affected in this way because we know there are many. Let the other women be motivated to respond.
For others reading your words, can you explain what you mean by a “kangaroo court?”
At least these reports have been done.
Strong, intelligent women are being intimidated by the system where the focus is on the rights of the father. Children are encouraged by the focus of the system to question and discredit their abused mother and they play out that abuse towards their traumatised mother. It devastates women. She now re-experiences through her children the abusive behaviour she suffered at the hands of their father. This must be stopped. The children must see that abuse is totally unacceptable and that there are legal consequences for those who perpetrate domestic violence.
The kids don’t see any consequences for the father’s violence and they have been affected by the behaviour he has modelled and they now exhibit that behaviour towards their mother.
It’s exhausting and relentless enough to socialise children, let alone children who’ve been exposed to such an upbringing. Our task as parents is simply to socialise our kids, to prevent them inflicting anti-social behaviour on society.
Greg Andresen
October 9, 2010
Hi Frances,
I agree with all the points you make about the terrible failings of the family law system when it comes to protecting people – especially children – from violence. The only thing I disagree with is your gendered approach to the issue.
The Australian Institute of Family Studies’ evaluation of the 2006 family law reforms (2009) found that 39% (more than one in three) victims of physical hurt before separation were male; and 48% (almost one in two) victims of emotional abuse before or during separation were male.
All Australians – men, women, and children, are affected by domestic violence. If you only ask women about violence (like Dr Laing did), of course you only find women who suffer within the family law system. If you only ask men (like the recent Edith Cowan University study “Male Victims of Intimate Partner Abuse”), you only find men who suffer.
There should be no competition between the genders when it comes to such a horrific thing as domestic violence. All victims need help. All Australians, regardless of gender, need a family law system that is sensitive to their needs, and protects them from current and future violence.
Thank you for raising this important issue, and I hope in the future you will remember the male victims of domestic violence and their children, alongside the women victims and their children.
Frances Jones
October 9, 2010
Thank you for your thoughtful response and for balancing up my writing which is focused on women.
I have witnessed with my own eyes and ears women being extremely verbally, physically and emotionally/psychologically abusive/manipulative.
I’ve used the words she or her, but please replace them with he or his.
I met an Australian man who was going through court for custody of his kids aged 2 and 3 with an alcoholic abusive violent ex partner.
“That’s the law. It’s off its head. It’s crazy, it really is,” he said.
The interesting thing is, he said he wouldn’t change anything because he loves his kids so much. He’s getting psychological help. At least the kids are young, there’s early intervention, damage has been done but it could be worse. I wanted to record him but he didn’t want that. It’s good to hear men’s stories of #domesticviolence because I don’t hear them as much as women’s. They need to be told and heard.
One man told me he kept a file of abusive emails to use as evidence.
Here are the documents you mentioned, The Australian Institute of Family Studies’ evaluation of the 2006 family law reforms (2009):
http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/fle
http://www.aifs.gov.au/familylawevaluation
Edith Cowan University study “Male Victims of Intimate Partner Abuse”:
http://www.psychology.ecu.edu.au/staff/documents/allanA/10_Tilbrook_Final%20Report.pdf
I see that you are interviewed as ‘Greg Andresen from the One in Three anti-violence campaign’:
http://www.fathers4equality-australia.org/equalparenting/FiDBlog.nsf/dx/press-release-male-victims-of-domestic-violence-need-campaigns-and-services-report?opendocument&comments
In the same post it says, “women were responsible for more than three quarters of all substantiated child maltreatment.”
As I said in http://francesjones.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/trauma:
“It’s hardly ever one episode. Often the first exposure to things which trigger emotional trauma occur very early in life, before the age of 5.
“If mothers can’t handle their child wanting to express their independence and will, they try to control them by forcing them (including smacking). The natural process of the child asserting itself is thwarted by parents who traumatise them by hitting them or screaming at them in an attempt to force them to do what the parent insists. Children should be encouraged to assert themselves and express themselves confidently. This is the basis of Emotional Intelligence. Some parents are unable to deal with a crying child.
“Anxiety is not feeling safe, they felt scared when mum yelled or screamed at them, didn’t attend to them. Recognise that and people feel safer and calmer.”
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/study
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/news/2010/7/4/forgotten-victims-of-home-abuse.html
I am totally supportive of the work that you are doing. I think we are on the same page.
I welcome the experiences of men, women or children about this issue, please feel free to put any links to discussions here, I would be interested to read men’s experiences.
I would encourage you to read When Men Batter Women by John Gottman. From his research I understood that men were much more likely to be the perpetrators of domestic violence.
The psychological consequences of emotional trauma are universal. They do not discriminate along lines of gender, age, race, religion or colour:
1. Anxiety
2. Depression
3. Substance abuse- alcohol, smoking, drugs. People don’t feel good about themselves so turn to substances to influence the way they feel.
4. Eating disorders- anorexia, underweight and bulimia. Food addiction- obesity.
5. Gender Identity Disorder
6. Psychosis
7. Suicide
My concern is for the psychological/emotional well-being of children and their parents. The long-term issue is that those who are abusive were often abused themselves as children. That’s why protecting children first and foremost is so important. The cycle of abuse needs to be stopped. Children need to be protected from trauma or further exposure to traumatic experiences, particularly as their brains are growing and neural pathways are being formed.
Parents need to be able bring up their children in peace.
It would certainly save the government a lot of money in terms of ‘acting out’ behaviour in later life. The costs from substance abuse alone include: binge drinking- think Cronulla Riots. Smoking and drink driving, think of lung cancer and hospital costs. I have only touched the surface.
Schools need evidence-based emotional education and behaviour management programs in place such as http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au
Going through the Family Law System can re-traumatise people, because they have to bring up what may be the worst experiences of their lives. The Family Consultant says, “Tell me the worst,” so she/he can write a Family Report. Those appearing in court need to remember and have evidence at the top of their minds, to answer questions. Without strong psychological support, this can be a very difficult experience. Bringing up traumatic experiences doesn’t go away quickly, it stirs up the mind and causes insomnia and other symptoms of trauma.
By the way, I like to use the word ‘survivor’ rather than ‘victim,’ I think it is more empowering.
This video Behind Closed Doors http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV7sRnVG_4o
is about female survivors. You raise an important point, that these issues need to be “co-ed.” It would be good to have a studies and videos made which includes both men and women. Perhaps I could interview you and any survivors you know one day.
There are gender differences in the statistics for Child Sexual Abuse:
http://francesjones.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/child-sexual-abuse-csa
I have seen DOCS take children away from their mothers because they were abusing substances. Listen to these women and you will find one other thing in common: the experience of trauma. These stories go in patterns down generations.
Unfortunately I did not see much interest in mental health at the recent Federal Election, except from the opposition leader, whose budget was found to be inaccurate.
Frances
Justin Case
June 16, 2011
Having been a former Police Officer and now a Legal Practitioner, my experience in Domestic Violence and Family Law issues stretches some 23 years. Over that period I have seen the effects of violence, emotional and psychological abuse on men, women and children. Initially the Family Court was geared for women and from my own experience, I can say that there were many miscarriages of justice as I saw it perpetrated against men. That system has tried to remedy that bias in the current 50% share rule, as to how successful that is I am not in a position to comment on at this stage.
However, what I will say is that the Family Court and our own Common Law system is not conducive to the establishment of truth in a matter. Our system is based on the precept that two sides go to battle, the Judge acts as referee, and somehow the truth will come out in a good clean fight. That is not what actually occurs. The partisans do not fight cleanly and sometimes you get woeful refereeing by the Judiciary. This can affect both genders. False accusations and allegations are made all the time. AVO’s and akin orders in other states are used as a weapon against men all the time, and in fact far too frequently nowadays. The Courts (Magistrates, Local) are inundated with these matters. The problem here is that Specialist and other Family Law practitioners see AVO’s as a strategic or tactical weapon to use in Family Law matters. The vast Majority of Family Law practitioners I personally have come across in my own opinion advise their clients to take out AVO’s inappropriately and dare I say in a manner which should ordinarily be seen as an abuse of process. This then takes away from the genuine victims of Domestic Violence, where they are in need of true protection they don’t get it. How you may ask, let me give you a real live example. The below example is on the public record and can be researched, I won’t give the names of the parties but I will give you the name of the Presiding Magistrate.
There was an incident of domestic violence (serious violence) reported to Corrimal Police (in the northern suburbs of Wollongong) the de facto was arrested and charged with assault matters and an AVO was obtained. The victim (female on this occasion) and the male were a de facto couple with child (or children it escapes my memory at this stage) they lived in the Bellambi area near Corrimal Police Station. Before the first matters were heard in court, the offender assaulted and breached his AVO numerous times, I can not remember the exact amount at this stage but I am positive it was more than five, possibly up to nine times. Each time the Police would charge this man with further assault charges and breach of avo charges and refuse him bail. On each occasion, the Magistrate at the time Mr Paul Johnson gave the offender Court Bail. On the last occasion, the offender murdered his de facto by using an axe embedded into her skull.
Now one can draw many inferences from this, and it is noteworthy that from the best of my knowledge Mr Johnson continues in his role as a Magistrate and did so for many years after this particular matter. What sometimes happens is that Magistrates lose sight of the spirit of the legislation when many vexatious or frivolous complaints are made, and rulings go the way of the offender. That is no excuse and I am not supportive or condoning what Mr Johnson did in relation to this matter just highlighting an extreme example.
The Family Law system should be overhauled from the bottom up and the adversarial system should be replaced. All LAWYERS should be kept out of the Family Court disputes and instead there should be a Govt department based on dealing with all family law issues. This Department should be staffed so that both the Husband and Wife are represented by non lawyers, government employees that have no financial interest in the outcome of the case. That they should investigate in full the circumstances of each domestic violence or abuse allegation impartially and if found to be false then the False ACCUSER should be charged with the crime of false accusation. Whether it be male or female should not make a difference. Many lives have been destroyed due to false accusations and the Courts do not act upon complaints of False Accusations nor do the Police. Once we can establish a system where TRUTH is paramount regardless of personal agenda either the Male, Female, or their Legal representatives, then the system will be fair.
PS Sorry about Typos and grammatical erros in advance.
Michelle
July 8, 2011
On the 4th September 2010 I dropped my daughter to her father for a scheduled visit as per the Family Court Orders finalised 2 months before in July 2010. The orders allow her father contact each Saturday from 9am to 3pm.
At 3pm on the Saturday afternoon 4th September 2010, I waited at the scheduled pickup location but my child was not returned.
I contacted the father to ask what was happening. Initially his phone was switched off so I left both a voice message and a text message. A little while later, I received a reply and was told by the father, that he was keeping my daughter as it was Father’s Day weekend – ‘because he could.’
I then contacted the Police to report that the child had not been returned. I had been at the station for about 3 hours that morning, because I was concerned about the father’s behaviour. I had been receiving text messages all week, and I was worried he was going to do something in contravention of both orders- the AVO and the Custody Orders. He had an AVO issued after he assaulted me with the child in his arms, back in November 2008. I had written a statement outlining the history of AVO contraventions and the lack of response by police. I also took his court affadavit which outlined in his own words, (witnessed by a solicitor and JP) the numerous times he has broken the AVO, or simply disregarded it. Again the police were not interested in listening to my concerns, and told me there was nothing they could do. The only conclusion I can reach is that the AVO is not worth the paper it is written on.
Anyway, back on the 4th September 2010, I rang the police officers I had been speaking with that morning and advised them that the father had not returned the child. What could I do? That was about 4pm. By 6pm, still with no news I again spoke with the police. I pushed to get a “Welfare Check” which means essentially that they attend the premises to see if the child is OK. The police did attend his home but unsurprisingly, the father was not home with the child. I then gave the police the father’s relatives phone numbers such as his father and his sister.
The policeman advised that there was nothing more they could do. To the police, this was essentially a family court matter and all I could do now was to lodge recovery orders with the courts on Monday.
So that was it. The police can do nothing for a missing child. If it was a kidnapping, I’m sure there would have been resources to help, media bulletins to help find her, but as it was her father, it was simply a court matter.
On Monday morning, I contacted the Independent Children’s Lawyer, the Court and Legal Aid. I waited for phone calls to be returned. On Monday night about 8.30pm, I received a visit by the father’s sister-in-law, wanting my daughter’s clothes. I refused, I wanted the child returned. She advised me that as the father had lodged contravention orders against me, he was allowed to keep the child until the matter came to court.
On Wednesday 8th September, I lodged Recovery Orders and a supporting affadavit with the Federal Magistrates Court of Australia.
I received a phone call the next day saying that the wording in the document was not correct, therefore my application was rejected. The words “short order” were not included in the application, and neither was the deparment (police or sheriff) who would carry out the recovery if it was granted. I was told I should seek private legal advice. As I could not afford this, I was hoping my application for Legal Aid would be approved.
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, I was rejected by Legal Aid. Public money is not available for “enforcement orders.”
During the court process (for Financial and Custody orders), I had applied for Legal Aid assistance three times. Twice I had been rejected, and I appealed this. What stunned me was that my ex husband, the father, who has been working throughout the process, received legal assistance, having both a solicitor and a barrister for the criminal charges and the custody matters. but for me, even though I was not working, and had very few assets- namely the house I was living in (where the mortgage is equivalent to the property value), I have been repeatedly declined legal assistance. I also note that the house is in joint names, so why was it considered my asset and not both parties assets? In the property settlement, I’m required to pay out his share of the personal loan, the mortgage and associated legal costs, to stay in the home. I was also left without a car, with day-to-day care of the children, while he kept both the family car and his work vehicle. Then he received Legal Aid.
The week after the kidnapping, or as the system calls it, “taken without consent,” I had pursued every avenue available to me to pursue. I was turned away by the police, the court system and the legal system. The father who had taken the child, against Family Court Orders and continued to harrass and threaten me against a guilty conviction for assault and an AVO, seems to have all the rights. This could be disastrous for every parent dropping off a child for a contact visit.
Since 1st July 2010, the law has changed. The onus is now on the parent from who the child is taken, to show the attempts they’ve made to get the child returned. NO action is taken against the parent who breaks the court order.
For 7 weeks I did not see my daughter. The father also refused to allow me telephone access to speak with her. She was 3 years old.
The matter went back to court on 22nd October 2010, to hear the father’s contravention. The contravention was on me because I had broken my ankle and had not been able to drive in July and August. Alternate arrangements were made, but the father still had the right to lodge a contravention order, so effectively I was considered the person in breach of the court orders.
He told the magistrate (no kidding) that he “couldn’t afford to feed the child because she ate too much,” – “much more than him.” He also told the magistrate that he “couldn’t afford to send her to childcare,” “actually I don’t even know where kindy is.” He couldn’t drive her between contact visits because he was “unable to pay his car rego” that was due. he was asking the magistrate to order me to pay these expenses on his behalf.
The magistrate asked a psychologist to assess the case, who suggested that the child would have separation anxiety if she was removed from the father’s home. I pointed out to the magistrate what the family consultant and psychologists who had assessed the issues not 2 months before, the list of detrimental effects if the child was removed from her mother and placed with her father which were his wishes.
It seems however that a 2 year court process with numerous visits to counsellors and psychologists, the normal court process, can easily be voided by simply kidnapping your child for 2 months. The child had not had overnight contact wtih her father for 2 years but suddenly she would have separation anxiety if she was returned to her home after this traumatic event.
The result- his Saturday contact from 9 to 3 was increased to shared care. The child is with her father from Monday morning to Thursday afternoon. He has the right to drop her to kindy (even though he is specifically banned from this in the AVO). He transports the child in his work van to and from kindy, in the front seat of the van, which doesn’t have a fitted child restraint. There is nothing I can do.
I think the final insult came when I was advised by Centrelink and the Child Support Agency of the significant debt that I would have to repay, as the child was no longer in my care. Even though she has now been returned, with shared care the decision still stands. I now have to pay him child support at triple the rate he has paid to me over the past 3 years.
To date, I am still fighting with these agencies to overturn their decision. I can’t see why someone should be financially rewarded for contravening an order.
I had attended the Centrelink Office on Friday 22nd October with the child. I had just been to court and had every piece of paper imaginable with me. The lady at the Liverpool office told me she didn’t need copies of the AVO or court documents as the original orders (not 2 months old) would be enough. I questioned her on this at the time, even quoting the name of the other Centrelink lady I had spoken to on the Wednesday. She told me it wasn’t necessary and that the other lady was, “only from the call centre and didn’t know what she was talking about.” Imagine my disappointment then, when my appeal was denied on the grounds that I didn’t supply these copies. I think maybe the walk to the photocopier was a bit much for this staff member. Unfortunately I am still trying to rectify and deal with the consequences of her inaction. The matter is currently being reviewed by an authorised review officer.
In regard to child support, I also lodged an appeal, posting all the relevant documents to a lady who actually seems to be sympathetic to what has transpired. I was later told however that only one government agency can make such a decision. Therefore the CSA has to abide by the decision made by Centrelink and my appeal was withdrawn.
Someone needs to be on the side of families, children and those doing the hard work of being everyday parents. The police, courts and legal system seem to have swung so far towards father’s rights- common sense, AVOs and court orders are overruled. I am sure there are a lot of fathers out there doing a great job and I don’t mean to be disrespectful to them, but in my case, common sense and reasonableness don’t seem to matter.
I worry for every mother, father or carer who drops their child off over Christmas in scheduled visits under contact orders. For every one of them, the chance is that they will not get their child back. The police can do nothing. The court will do nothing. And lastly the kidnapper will be financially rewarded for breaking the orders.
People who hear my story are both shocked and horrified. My friends and neighbours are devastated that this can happen and unfortunately it shows some very big issues relating to domestic violence, our police force and the welfare and rights of families and children from separated families.
I have 3 degrees behind me- a bachelor of business, an MBA and an accounting degree. I built up a career and financial security but this has all been taken from me because of this legal battle. After working hard for the last 20 years these issues have cost me my job, my home, my financial security and custody of my child. I’ve lost jobs 3 times recently because I had to take time off to attend court and court-ordered counselling for my 2 children, whilst on probation for these jobs.
I feel failed by the police force and the justice system. With all my evidence, the magistrate ruled that I was responsible to retrieve my child from her father even though I have been assaulted by him, have an AVO against him and was receiving text messages from him about how I should be punished.
gordicans
July 8, 2011
An interesting and useful article Frances. If I may respectfully offer criticism, the article ignores violence by women against men and children, or pretends it doesn’t exist.
For example there is a paragraph titled “Clinical experience reveals that women are traumatised by exposure to violent men” without acknowledging that men also are exposed to violent women. Having been knocked unconscious twice by my wife (now ex), once with a blow to the back of the head with the yellow pages, and on a second occasion by a blow to the side of the head with a large cast iron skillet whilst talking on the phone, I can guarantee that exposure to a violent woman can be a traumatic experience. How common this type of experience is I’m not sure, but I am sure that it is under reported in our society, it is a lot more common than people assume, and the assumption that men are violent and women aren’t is totally incorrect.
I have no doubt that my wife’s inclination towards violent behaviour was a result of the violence inflicted on her over many years by her mother. My wife (now ex) told me that from the time she could remember until she was a older teenager she was bashed by her mother, and there wasn’t a day that she went to school without substantial bruising on her body. I have absolutely no doubt that what she said was true.
Which leads me “The child’s experience is that despite the abuse, they are still being encouraged to spend time with the father”. This assumes that where children are being abused the abuse is always carried out by the father. This of course is not the case.
I counted myself extremely fortunate because of the excellent support and advice I received from a family law lawyer (to whom I will be eternally grateful) and because I was lucky enough to be listened to and believed by the local magistrate who heard the apprehended violence order case being sort by my wife. I have met several men over the years who were similarly on the receiving end of violence by their partner but were not believed with horrendous results.
Frances Jones
July 8, 2011
Thank you for sharing your experiences and for your constructive criticism. That is exactly why I created this space, for anyone to share their experiences, to get to the truth. I did not think that what I wrote was perfect in any way, I wanted to get responses like yours and to help people. I agree with you that this is not a gender-specific issue. It would be interesting to know the statistics for male and female perpetrators of domestic violence.
Please see my response to Greg Andresen’s comment above.
Greg Andresen
July 8, 2011
Thanks Frances. I think the best statistics for male and female perpetrators of domestic violence are found when you ask children directly about their experiences of witnessing parental domestic violence. This removes the men vs women ‘gender debate’ and really focuses our attention where it should be: on protecting children and breaking the ‘cycle of violence’.
The largest sample of young people ever surveyed on their experiences of parental domestic violence in Australia or, most likely, the world, was published in 2001 by the National Crime Prevention division of the Commonwealth Attorney General’s Department and the Department of Education, Training and Youth Affairs. The national research involved a survey of 5000 young Australians aged between 12 and 20, and in-depth discussions with special groups, namely homeless youth, victims of domestic violence, and youth from different ethnic backgrounds.
The main findings relate to young people’s understanding of and attitudes to domestic violence, their experiences of witnessing parental or carer’s domestic violence and of violence in their dating relationships, and how they deal with these experiences.
Some of the key findings of this national research, include:
• Considering physical violence only, nearly a third (31.2%) of young people had witnessed one of the following: a male carer being violent towards his female partner; a female carer being violent to her male partner; or both carers being violent.
• 14.4% of young people reported that this violence was perpetrated both by the male against the female and the female against the male. 9.0% reported that violence was perpetrated against their mother by her male partner but that she was not violent towards him. 7.8% reported that violence was perpetrated against their father by his female partner but that he was not violent towards her.
• Most reported parental violence seemed to be minor, in that no effects were reported by the majority of child witnesses. Where outcomes were reported, the most likely outcome was the separation of the parents. The most severe disruptions on all indicators occurred in those households where both male to female and female to male violence was reported (ie two-way couple violence).
• Witnessing parental domestic violence had a significant effect on young people’s attitudes and experiences. Witnessing was also the strongest predictor of subsequent perpetration by young people. The best predictor of perpetration was witnessing certain types of female to male violence, whilst the best predictor of victimisation in personal relationships was having witnessed male to female violence.
• Where young people had, or were experiencing parental domestic violence, a third of them had not told anyone about it. This rate was higher amongst boys than girls and higher amongst the 12 and 13 year olds than the mid or older teens.
• Young people were more likely to say a woman is right to, or has good reason to, respond to a situation by hitting, than a man in the same situation. And while males hitting females was seen, by virtually all young people surveyed, to be unacceptable, it appeared to be quite acceptable for a girl to hit a boy.
Frances Jones
July 14, 2011
I agree that the focus should be on protecting children from violence and breaking the ‘cycle of violence.’ I appreciate your research.
Here are some statistics:
“The true incidence of domestic violence is difficult to establish, as incidents often go unreported (Drabsch, 2007). Australian statistics support international findings that victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female. In 2002-03 it was estimated that 87% of victims of domestic violence in Australia were women while 98% of perpetrators were male (Access Economics, 2004). The Australian Bureau of Statistics’ Social Trends Survey (1997) estimated that in 2005, 17% (1.3 million) of women aged 18 years and over had experienced partner violence.”
http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/Moving-Forward-full-report-June-09.pdf page 9.
Greg Andresen
July 15, 2011
Thank you for your post, Frances.
Could I please ask you why you posted those statistics? Please correct me if I’m wrong, but you appear to be buying into the ‘men vs women’ gender debate that has clouded this issue for decades and largely prevented us from doing the necessary work to protect men, women and children from family violence. What is the point of arguing that ‘women have it worse’ or ‘men have it worse’? I could easily have referred you to a bibliography that examines 282 scholarly investigations: 218 empirical studies and 64 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners (http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm). However, what would be the point of doing this? If women have it worse, or men have it worse, where does that leave us (besides feeling somehow morally superior)? Does it mean that we stop providing help and resources to the other gender? That doesn’t sound very just or humane to me. Surely everyone affected by family violence deserves all the help and resources they desperately need.
To move on to the details of your post, it really pays to check statistics before quoting them. People with vested interests on both sides of the ‘gender debate’ will post statistics to back their arguments. Many such statistics fall apart when looked at more closely. For example, a Professor at Monash University last week retracted claims she had made about domestic violence being a major cause of divorce (see http://www.monash.edu.au/news/releases/show/corrections-to-a-publication-and-media-release-from-monash-university). There’s a long list of other examples at http://www.oneinthree.com.au/misinformation.
Let’s examine the statistics you posted from the Bensoc document to correct the record.
1. The true incidence of domestic violence is difficult to establish, as incidents often go unreported (Drabsch, 2007).
This is undeniable. We must remember, however, that the Bensoc document from which this statistic was taken was a paper about women’s journeys after leaving abusive relationships. Therefore it makes sense to ignore male victimisation in this context. What Bensoc neglected to report is that men around the world are only one third to one half as likely as women to report incidents of domestic violence (see http://www.health.sa.gov.au/pros/portals/0/interpersonal-violence-survey.pdf, http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-224-x/85-224-x2009000-eng.pdf and http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/296149/0092065.pdf).
2. Australian statistics support international findings that victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female.
International findings about victims of domestic violence are quite equivocal. Many show that victims are predominantly female. Many show that about half are male and half are female. Many show that victims are predominantly male. There is probably no more controversial area of social science research (hence my plea to move away from this senseless ‘gender debate’).
Australian findings show that on average at least one in three victims of family violence and abuse are male (see http://www.oneinthree.com.au/overview). You could say this supports the claim that ‘victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female’. I would argue otherwise. I think we can say that the majority of victims are female, but that a substantial minority are male.
3. In 2002-03 it was estimated that 87% of victims of domestic violence in Australia were women while 98% of perpetrators were male (Access Economics, 2004).
This ‘statistic’ has been comprehensively debunked. Firstly, Access Economics issued an erratum correcting the above statistic to read that 87% of victims were women while 87% of perpetrators were male (not 98%). Secondly, the data used to reach this conclusion was not Australian data, and the number of male victims found was arbitrarily reduced by 75% (see http://www.menshealthaustralia.net/files/access_economics.pdf).
4. The Australian Bureau of Statistics’ Social Trends Survey (1997) estimated that in 2005, 17% (1.3 million) of women aged 18 years and over had experienced partner violence.
This ‘statistic’ also appears to be an error. How can a 1997 survey possibly quote data from 2005? The most reliable and recent data on domestic violence in Australia is the Australian Bureau of Statistics “Personal Safety Survey” (2005) (see http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/DetailsPage/4906.02005%20(Reissue)?OpenDocument). This survey found that 28 per cent (almost one in three) victims of physical assault by an intimate partner (current partner, previous partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or date) in the last 12 months were male.
I hope you might be more careful when quoting statistics like these in the future, and I hope you might not buy into the ‘gender debate’ in the future. While we continue to argue about ‘who has it worse’, we are wasting time that could be spent on devising programs to actually protect victims of family violence, and prevent it from occurring in the future. If I have misinterpreted your intentions in posting the Bensoc ‘statistics’, my apologies in advance.
Frances Jones
July 15, 2011
Hi Greg,
I was speaking to a woman who works at a service for women and children in their lives post DV and she read this forum. She emailed me the link to that study. I suggested that she post it in a comment but she said it’s important for them to adhere to safety so anonymity is essential. That’s why I put it there.
I have no desire to argue with you, I support what you’re doing wholeheartedly and sincerely wish you all the best. I’d be happy to support you any time. Thanks for all your hard work!